Tuesday, May 06, 2008

ALS -- Hitting the Wall and Beyond

Arms that reached out to my children
Lay still in my lap
How I yearn to hold the young ones close to me
But to no avail
I ache to draw my husband into my embrace
I reach to hold on to them all
But the effort is exhausting and futile

So familiar with the joy of the dance
My legs tingle with the memory of movement
They long to run through green meadows
But remain lifeless in my chair

Sweet spring air teases my lungs
As they work for each precious breath

Insidious disease, you have stolen so much
But you cannot have my spirit
Nor steal my resolve
I may weep, but I will never forget to laugh
I may feel sadness, but I will live for the delight of the moment
I will revel in the love of family, bask in the glow of friendship
And I will survive

To all my blogging and non-blogging friends who continue to come here even when I fall behind, thank you. It isn't as easy to keep up its it was but I have no intention of giving up my blog, it is part of my survival. And to my blogging friends, I visit your blogs often. Even when I don't have the energy or opportunity to comment, I stop by to see what you have to say, what you are up to, and to look at all your wonderful photographs. Love to you all.


Blogger Bitterroot said...

You are my inspiration, Pam. I think of you so often.

10:04 PM  
Blogger joared said...

Such a bittersweet poem, Pam. My thoughts are with you. Your spirit will be your strength.

I know you'll blog when you can, but blogging is also just reading sometimes, or even having someone read to you if you're too tired.

I find joy in reading of others activities -- some beyond my capabilities and skills. Perhaps, you'll do some of the same.

1:56 AM  
Blogger Anvilcloud said...

Marvellous verse there, Pam. And you still manage to do great work on your pictures. You are both a rock and an inspiration. Bless you both when weep and when you remember to laugh and also when you choose to live in the delight of the moment regardless of that which you have lost. Maybe you have found more than you have lost?

9:58 AM  
Blogger pepektheassassin said...

Pam, did you read joared's post on "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly"?

It's a marvelous book, and I am looking forward to buying the DVD. I loved the short clip they showed on the site.

I *heart* you. {{{Hugs}}}

2:30 PM  
Blogger Tammy said...

You have too many gifts to share my friend. We don't need comments to feel your spirit because we know you and love you!

I'll be calling now that my company is gone. ;)


8:04 PM  
Blogger Donna said...

Came by way of Anvilclouds blog...How beautiful!! I will be returning!!hughugs

8:08 PM  
Anonymous angeline said...

Pam, anvilcloud said you were great and when I came over, I realised, you are not great, you are Fantastic!

The way you write...it speaks to the soul....will drop by from now on...

take care...*hugs*

9:39 PM  
Blogger Ruth said...

I came here via Anvilcloud too. Your poem describes a woman stronger than most. Heartfelt, honest, beautiful...

10:10 PM  
Blogger Ginnie said...

Dear Pam. I'm sure that your children and your husband can feel your arms around them. Your spirit replaces those physical moves and is an even stronger expression of your love.
I can't tell you how much you have influenced my life. I am in awe of your strength of character and your sweet outlook on life.
I send you all the love I can muster and lots of hugs, Ginnie

9:28 AM  
Blogger Cathy said...

Dear Pam,

The power and life in that poem will be my inspiration today.

I've been low as a newt's belly for a while. I'd actually thought of skipping a family reunion this weekend.

Because of your poem, because of you - I'm going. Thank you, dear friend.

You are in my thoughts and I celebrate the wonderful, talented, loving, strong woman that you are.

Love and a hug,

8:54 AM  
Anonymous Coll said...

Pam...Your spirit shines through in so many ways. I have recently been ill.. nothing like what you are living with.. and my recovery is going well and will be complete. But on my worst days.. even though we have never met face to face.. you and your courage came to mind. I so admire your love of life and your attitude. In many ways you are an inspiration and a teacher. You may not be able to reach people with your arms but believe me.. you touch many, including myself, in even more powerful ways.

2:40 PM  
Blogger kate smudges said...

You've brought tears to my eyes, Pam. What an incredible spirit you have. You are an inspiration to us - I think of you often and I'm glad to see that you are posting some. You've a great family too, and I'm glad to see that you've reconnected with your younger sis... the sunflowers with her in the photos below are beautiful.

6:14 PM  
Blogger Alyssa said...

A wonderful poem, Pam. I cannot imagine what you are going through, but I think of you often. Your courage is to be marveled at and you are an inspiration to me. You have affected my life in many ways and I thank you.

2:49 AM  
Blogger Crayons said...

Hi Pam,
This is such a powerful poem. It made the hairs on my arms stand up. It's so great that you share both the grief and the laughter with us. It adds a third dimension to this wonderful cyber friendship.

I always enjoy your comments, and at the same time, I never expect them. Knowing that you are an artist makes me value your perception even more. Your best comment was last week when you said that you see my growth. That meant a lot.

I'm thinking of you. You inspire me.

12:59 PM  
Blogger pepektheassassin said...

Hope you had a good mother's day yesterday! Just thinking about you....

1:35 PM  
Blogger Valerie - Still Riding said...

I had a step dad with MS and a spirit like yours that knew showing others that life is meant to be loved is important, however limited you feel in expressing it.

Anvil sent me, too, but I am the one that gained from reading.

I offer you http://4herway.com/4letterword/index.html to read if you have time someday.

Thank you for continuing to seek the joy in life and share the insight your unique way of seeing the world gives you.

11:45 AM  
Blogger Cathy said...

Pam -

I wanted you to know that this post of yours did inspire me to go to my family reunion and it was very healing. Thank you, my friend.

7:02 PM  
Blogger pepektheassassin said...

You continue to inspire to inspire me with your grace under fire. I took my first ride in a motorized chair-cart thingy at Sam's Club today. At first I refused, not wanting to appear to be "needy." But then I accepted, aspiring to your grace and dignity. It's hard, sometimes, to let go of our pride and accept help. Thank you, m'dear. Hope your spring continues to bloom!

4:06 PM  
Blogger pepektheassassin said...

Oh, and I see I stutter I stutter, too! :D

4:09 PM  
Blogger KGMom said...

Pam--what a touching and inspiring poem. Youremind us all to cherish what we can experience in the moment. And you show us how indomitable is your spirit--ALS can take away much, too much, but as you say not your spirit.
We love that in you--and look forward to many more blogs from you.
How's the kitten?

11:39 PM  
Blogger pepektheassassin said...

I recently bought (and just watched) The Diving Bell and the Butterfly --a wonderful DVD. I had read the book before. This film is so beautifully done. You'd cry, but find yourself amazed and dazzled, all at the same time!

Did you ever make it over to read what joared had to say? Anyway, I thought of beautiful YOU....

5:12 PM  
Blogger Ginnie said...

Hi Pam: Just thinking of you and sending hugs and positive thoughts.
Love, Ginnnie

9:37 AM  
Blogger Mama P said...

Pam, I sent you something. And if you're not feeling good, do NOT get online to thank me. Just knowing you have something from me makes me happy. I adore you.

9:46 PM  

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