Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Sisters - Renewed Relationships

I am the oldest of five children by quite a few years. I'm older than my brother by six years, my sister by ten years, and my half-sisters, identical twins, by seventeen years. I don't wish to be melodramatic, but need to say by way of history, that our childhood, lived in upper middle-class America, was an existence set in comfort but steeped in evil.

Raised by a mother who was, among other things, a sociopath, we grew up in a vortex of rage and abuse. Our fathers, who were of the generation of men who believed that raising children was women's work, were either physically or mentally absent from the arena.

I adored my young siblings but over time the combination of maternal propaganda, aimed at keeping us from being close, and the differences in our ages drove us apart.

It has been almost twenty years since I have seen any of them and my brother is lost to me, probably forever. Possibly one of the twins, also. But in early spring a miracle happened and my sister, the other twin, got in touch with me and came to see me. Part of the reason she came was because she was in hopes that I would have some information about our mother that might help her twin through a bad time. The other reason she came was to get to know me

It turned out to be a joyous reunion, myths were dispelled and love and friendship bloomed. It wasn't long before my sister, the one who is ten years younger, made the same trip with the same results.

They have come to visit a number of times since the initial get together, a lengthy journey for them both, and I finally understand the joy of sisterhood that my daughters have always shared. They help me fight my battle with love and constant support and have changed my life in immeasurable ways. Their love is gentle and kind, their hearts huge and they are both incredible women. What's more,I get to shower them with the love I have held in my heart for them all these years.


Blogger Anvilcloud said...

What a blessing for this reconciliation to happen for you. It must warm your heart.

9:11 AM  
Blogger thailandchani said...

That is just awesome! Sometimes it takes some big event.. but this time, it was just meant to be.

So glad you've recaptured some of that.



10:03 AM  
Blogger Cathy said...

Oh, Pam! What a wonderful story! Your painting captures the joy - the soaring of your hearts with the discovery of a sister's love. Just perfectly beautiful.

2:16 PM  
Blogger pepektheassassin said...

This made me get goosebumps.... (in a good way....)!

7:01 PM  
Blogger KGMom said...

Pam--I am very glad that you have rediscovered the joy of sisterhood. It is very sad when a parent drives a wedge between siblings--sad, and just plain wrong.
It is wonderful that you raised your daughters without that baggage.

7:50 PM  
Blogger Laurie said...

Pam, this is truly beautiful to read. I am so very happy for all of you. I'm going to bed with a big happy smile on my face. Thank you.

12:39 AM  
Blogger Alyssa said...

Kate - That was so touching. I'm sorry the beginning of you life was such a negative time but it doesn't seem to have brought you down. It is wonderful that you have been able to form a loving relationship with your sisters. Sisters are so very important in our lives and seem like parts of us living in another body - if that makes sense. I'm so happy for you and I'll bet your sisters are also completely enjoying this new found friendship.

Have a wonderful weekend.


2:15 AM  
Blogger Bitterroot said...

Pam, that's an incredible story. I am so happy for you and your sisters that you have had this reunion. It is inspiring to hear that negative cycles like this can be broken.

12:08 PM  
Blogger Tammy said...

This is such a blessing for both sides. I'm doing my "happy dance."

Love you!

Love your artful expression of sister joy.

1:49 PM  
Blogger Bonita said...

Children who redeem the sadness of their youth by reuniting as adults reap a multitude of blessings - as this indicates.

8:45 PM  
Blogger kate said...

Reading about reconnecting with your sisters made my day! So many difficult memories can be replaced now with wonderful ones ... where you can love freely and grow to know each other better. That is a priceless gift.

5:40 PM  
Blogger Ginnie said...

Hi Pam...I am the youngest of 5... so we have something else in common! I would never have guessed that your upbringing was so chaotic by your wonderful outlook on life. You are amazine and your sisters are so lucky that they've reconnected with you.

8:27 PM  
Blogger Pam said...

AC, you are right, it is a blessing and my heart is beyond warmed.

Chani, it IS awesome and when things like this happen it gives you a deep appreciation of cosmic energy!

Cathy, a soaring heart is exactly it, the most perfectly beautiful thing that could've happened.

Pepek, I get goosebumps every time I think about them and their reentry into my life.

Kgmom, I wasn't always the best mom, lots of baggage, but lots of love too. My daughters have always been extremely close and the three of us have a very special bond.

Laurie, I have that same big happy smile a lot lately.

Alyssa, I know what you mean about parts of them living in my body, I am amazed at how much we share that is similar. And how easily we overcame so much damage.

Bitterroot, I have seen those negative cycles carry on through generations, it is a beautiful thing that we prevailed.

Tammy, did you do that dance with TK? I've seen you two in action and you guys get down!

Bonita, you are so right. It also says a lot about love, endurance and connection.

Kate, that's precisely what we're doing, pushing away the past and creating new memories in the present. Our mother is still trying to do her work of evil, but we now stand united and she cannot hurt us.

Ginnie, my outlook took some doing, but I always felt that life could be better and slowly but surely worked in that direction.

7:09 AM  
Blogger Cathy said...

Hi Pam - Just wanted to stop by and say hello. It's always nice to see you posting on my and other's blogs. Is that dragon co-operating? I sure hope you're staying cool in this sweltering weather. Whew!

Hugs :0)

10:00 PM  
Blogger Mama P said...

Stop making me cry. You're KILLING me.

7:26 PM  
Blogger AnnieElf said...

Dear Pam, I am a friend of Tammy's and am visiting here for the first time. This post deeply moved me as it reminded me of the new understanding my own sister and I have come to share. So much history dispelled and a joyous new love for each is growing. Blessings to you, Annie

12:56 AM  

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