Friday, June 20, 2008

Ain't It The Truth!

I have some things that I'm trying to get around to blogging about but a friend sent me the following and I realized, when my tears of laughter had dried, that I had to share the humor and the truth of it with you all. Enjoy.

In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said: Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans.

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.Noah! He roared, I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?Forgive me, Lord, begged Noah, 'but things have changed.I needed a building permit.

I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.

My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea.I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl.I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.Noah looked up in wonder and asked,'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?'

'No,' said the Lord.'The government beat me to it.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Sculpting With Paper

Before ALS invaded my hands and fingers I had discovered the most extraordinary art form... paper sculpture. Since I was unable to master sculpting in it's more well-known forms, having a way to work three dimensionally was exhilarating. I purchased all kinds of interesting papers, from handmade to commercial (even making some of my own) in a rainbow of colors and subtle patterns. I had paper made from barks, cloth and a variety of unusual fibers.

I started out by making flowers then moved on to more complex subjects. I sculpted animals, people and scenes. One of my favorites is owned by my daughter, a three-dimensional scene of a sea serpent rearing up out of a stormy sea. I drew and painted the serpent, then reproduced it a number of times so that I could carefully cut a number of pieces to round out the layers and make it look like it was coming out of the frame. And, of course, layers and layers of rearing waves with white foaming peaks.

The more sculpting I did, the more I realized that with a little imagination there wasn't much I couldn't do with my papers, scissors and glue. Below are a couple of the pieces I did early on. The first is a collection of paper flowers on an ostrich egg and paper stand, the second is paper flowers glued to an interesting piece of driftwood that hangs on my dining room wall.

BTW, my dining room wall is NOT bright orange, I changed the picture for effect. =)

Monday, June 02, 2008

My name is...

...and if you ask Mom and Dad they will tell you
that I can be very, very fresh.
But I am also very, very

I love to

and run through the house at warp eight.
I like to chase after Dad and try to tackle him
but mostly I only manage to grab him by the knees.
I also like to jump out and grab people by the ankles. but you can ask
anybody, I'm everybody's

Go ahead, ask 'em!