In Loving Memory

Pam Antonivich

8/10/1942- 4/4/2010

"I have ALS, it does not have me

Art does."

-Pam 2009-

She was a very brave woman

Who will be greatly missed

And was loved by many

Still Standing

Thanks everyone for stopping by, it's so good to hear from you all, I miss you. I'm going to get back to blogging soon with the help of my friend and caregiver, Barbara I. I have healed well and am back on my game, looking forward to spring with much anticipation.

I am hoping to get to everyones blog one of these days but I have to choose where to expend my energy each day. Sometimes leaving comments takes more than I have so I just read. Much has happened and I expect to have the time and energy to catch up.

To those of you who have asked, Idgy is absolutely fantastic! She is the funniest cat I've ever owned and she keeps Barbara and me in stitches. I plan to post pictures and stories when we get back to blogging.

Love and peace to everyone,

Pam and Barbara I

Still Standing

Hi everyone, just wanted to take the time to thank you all for stopping by my blog to check up on me and to thank you for your e-mails . I have been very ill with a devastating case of the shingles and am just beginning to regain my strength. Lucky me, I couldn't get a normal case, no, I had to get them on the inside. They manifested themselves in my bladder and bowel. Yuck!

Thanks to the very good care of my Barbara I, Barbara II, my husband and the home care nurses, I am on the mend after 3 months of HELL. I am feeling so much better, and just in time for the holiday season.

I hope to get back to blogging, with the help of my angel, Barb I, after the new year. In the meantime, may I wish you all a very Merry Christmas.

May your days be filled

With peace and contentment

And may you embrace each day

With joy!

Love and peace to all

Pam

What a Time We Had!

The gals, from left to right. Lolly, Barb two and Barb one.

I finally made it back to the ocean after a three-year absence thanks to the efforts of my angel and friend, Barb one, my new friend and caregiver, Barb two and my dear and wonderful friend, Lolly. We went to Ogunquit Maine, stayed at a lovely old hotel in Perkins Cove, dined in three of the areas most terrific restaurants, did a little shopping in the local artisan shops and even got to walk on the beach. And laugh, oh how we laughed!

I discovered that I was not embarrassed at having to be fed out in public (I was a little worried about that one) but my friends made it all seem very natural so I was quite relaxed and just went with the flow. And I didn't feel too terribly self-conscious when tourists stared at me as I was efficiently maneuvered in and out of the van. (Bless all the people responsible for my awesome van, by the way, without it; none of this would have ever been possible!) My lungs even cooperated and remained strong enough for me to be out of the hotel and away from breathing assistance for long stretches of time. I think it was all that beautiful sea air!

The glow from our trip remains with me and my memories are as bright and shining as the sea glass I now wear around my neck. I am, most assuredly, a very happy woman.

Looking To the Future

This past June marked the end of my fourth year with ALS and I am celebrating. Celebrating because I am beating the odds as I move into my fifth year. I am celebrating because this weekend is my 66th birthday and I am still alive, still squeezing everything that I possibly can out of each day. I am celebrating the joy of family and as I watch my grandchildren grow and blossom I am happy that they never shy away from my illness but continue to share their lives with me. I am celebrating because my husband, who has had a very hard time adjusting and whose pain had started to turn to anger, has started to smile and laugh with me once again.

So much has happened these past four years. Some old friends, intimidated by my illness, have disappeared from my life. But more have stood by me and I have made some wonderful new friends. My ex-husband stays in touch and helps when he can, which is a long way from where we were and a longer way from where he was. And Although I have had to give up my art as I knew it, I have learned new ways to express myself on the computer through art, poetry and commentary. I have learned that I can make friends in cyberspace, very good friends, and that they help to keep me strong, too.

On August 18 my best friend Lolly, my two caregivers (Barbara I, my Guardian Angel and a dear friend and Barbara II, a new friend) are taking me to the Maine coast for three days so that I may enjoy the ocean. We are going to rent a beach wheelchair and walk the shoreline, eat lobster, play cards and laugh in the face of adversity. We will be celebrating!


P.S. we are having a very wet and humid summer here in New England and it makes it hard for me to talk into my Dragon software. I know I have mentioned this before, but the heavy air is relentless and I want you all to know that I will get back to commenting and blogging as soon as we have some relief. I miss you and want to thank you for your continued comments to my infrequent posts in spite of my absence.

ALS-Despair and Hope

The Nightmare

The Dream

Grandchildren Updated

Once again it's time to brag about my incredible grandchildren. They never cease to amaze me with their talents and capabilities, their bright intelligence and their warm compassion. They are fun, funny, interested in the world around them and interesting in their own right. They care deeply about the environment and human rights and I am immensely proud of them all!



This is Paige, almost 15 and getting ready to enter high school. She is dressed here for her first semiformal dance; I'm sure her date was as knocked out when he saw her as I was. She has finished 20 chapters of the book she is writing and even an unprejudiced reader would be impressed. She will be on the honors program in high school and has some ideas of what she would like to do with her life.

Sarah will be 14 this fall, excels in school and is an avid reader. Most of the jewelry she wears she has designed and created and each piece is a beautiful work of art. She comes to visit me every week and helps care for me without reservation. She is full of imagination and life and shines with a very bright light.

Here we have Emily and Ryan. Emily is 9 and also loves to read. She is an excellent student, has a very outgoing personality and a nurturing and caring temperament. She and her brother live down the lane from Camp and I always look forward to her visits and her lively conversation. Ryan is 4 and is the resident superhero. He is a love bug and you can always count on a big hug

after a sound pouncing. They live in a home with one dog, two cats, one rabbit, and they are raising chickens.

And Alex, almost 17, is the family musician. He is the very excellent drummer in his band and they have done concerts to raise money for the people in Darfur. Although I am too old to totally understand or appreciate his music, I certainly appreciate the talent and hard work involved. They are very good and do well. He does well in school and will be expanding his endeavors to courses in art.

I love them all fiercely and I'm proud to call them mine.